1. "I'm so angry."
Get help to understand why you are angry! Acting from anger not only threatens to hamper your good judgement when it comes to making vital decisions.
2. "I don't care what happens."
This is the numbness and disbelief talking. These words will prevent you from getting on with your life in a rich and productive way. Cut through the numbness and say
"I want to get on with my life, but I care deeply about what happens now, because what happens now will affect me and possibly my children forever."
3. "I just want him (or her) back."
At this stage you are not ready to win back your spouse. You must give yourself some time and distance to regain your strength and improve yourself. Trying to go back when nothing has changed with yourself or your spouse will not work. You are weak and vulnerable at this time. No one is attracted to weakness, except predators!
4. "I know we're going to get back together"
Unfortunately, you don't. You must learn how to communicate better, understand the difference between Interests and Issues, and finally, how to problem solve. Learning these strategies will better the chances for a reconciliation.
5. "I'll never get through this."
Yes, you will. You may need the help of a support group and a Divorce Recovery Coach but yes, you can do it. You will emerge a better and stronger person.
6. "I hate the person who came between us."
Of course you do, if you are being left for someone else just remember, that person did not come uninvited. Try to pull away from the hate and instead expend your energies on caring for yourself. "Happiness is the best revenge."
7. "I'm going to take him (or her) to the cleaners."
Interesting expression, because it suggests that he (or she) emerges clean, and where does that leave you? Dirty? If you have rational and dignified thoughts such as "I'm only concerned with getting what’s fair"; or "I want only what is rightfully mine"; then you will get through the divorce process easier, faster and healthier.
8. "I don't want anything. He (or she) can have it all".
Don't be a martyr. You were half of this marriage and are entitled to half. You will need a bed, dishes, your clothes, your family heirlooms, etc. You may not get a second chance to reclaim what is rightfully yours.
9. "I'm not worried about the money. I know he (or she) will be fair."
Yes, or no. The person who you must protect, nurture and look after is YOU.
10. "Not Today"
Powerful words indeed. During the first years, your emotions are going to go up, down, and all over the place. If you feel that you are not emotionally able to make important decisions regarding your children, finances or divorce then simply say, "Not today, thank you".
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